Current location:	Gubat, Sorsogon
Current mood:	depressed
Entry tags:	dreams, life, self

Trapped
Across the street, a coconut tree stands tall behind a house. Every afternoon, I would hear a sunbird singing on that tree while a group of rock pigeons glide around it. On this windy morning, gentle puffs of air sway its slender leaves and its greenness glimmers with the sun.

It's five days before Christmas, and I am haunted by thoughts of apathy and seclusion. Right at this very moment, my head is filled with pictures of unfamiliar places and people with red hair, of carousels and snowflakes, and of dark alleyways and a warm fireplace. And what I want to do more than anything else is to buy a plane ticket to another continent. First, I would fly to South Africa, so I could watch the animated stripes of a dazzle of zebras while they run away from a suspicious lion. The next morning, I would steal a spotting scope from a tourist in Brazil, and spend an afternoon in a rainforest observing the hot pink feathers of flamingos. Then, I would take a plane to Sri Lanka, where I could watch a man with a turban charm a snake from a basket. I would take Tagalog lessons in a Russian university, sleep beside a bear's carcass in a cave in China, and sit beside Lonesome George on a rock in Pinta island. After two and a half years of studying viticulture in France, I would go to Alaska, sit on a floating sheet of ice while the gentle waves of polar lights dance on the sky. And I would wait until my body turns numb from the coldness of the air. And until the lights fade away.

But there's nothing more lonely than the song of a sunbird on a windy morning.